Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize