I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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