she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
