Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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