Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
