The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
