i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
