Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
