He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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