I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Randomize
