i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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