i permit you to call me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
