I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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