I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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