Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
