Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
