he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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