My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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