need another drink. this is the easiest way
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
