Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
