Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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