he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
