from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
