just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
