i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
