I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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