Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
