$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
