his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize