He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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