I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
