just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why do cheetos always look like penises
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
