I CAN MOONWALK!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
