The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
