Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize