two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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