i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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