what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
