all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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