fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
