Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
