If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
