from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
