I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
