Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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