Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
