God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
