One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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