I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I looked at my own cervix.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
