There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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