I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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