I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
