smell my finger.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
