Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
