I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
