Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I deserve this hangover.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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