I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
