Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
