I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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