Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
