Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
