Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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