Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God, I missed his penis.
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