What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize