Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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