it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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