On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
